When trying to determine who is in charge of what in the home every couple has heard the old adage, “who wears the pants in this relationship?” The gender jokes about men having to be trained, the old ball and chain comments, we all know them all too well. But in today’s age, relationships are defined in roles that our forefathers, and foremothers, couldn’t even imagine. And these old sayings? Well they are just that- old sayings. Women are working not only full time but often in dual careers while still mothering at full throttle and men are changing their roles to be more active in the home and are required by their counterparts to be more emotionally available. It can be a really tough time for couples to navigate through the new rules of relationships. Some tips to handling and deciphering these issues are easy to remember. First, try to step into their shoes. Once you cross over mentally into the role that your partner is trying to play, your attitude and perspective change dramatically. If you approach this process with respect for the other person’s struggles, and possible failures, then you will be able to understand them better and help them succeed in new areas. Second, Do Not, and I repeat, Do Not compare yourselves to the neighbors. This is not a keeping up with the Jones’ type of thing. Every relationship is different and what works for your friends and family may not work for you. You have to decide for yourselves what is going to be positive and not apply another couple’s rules. They may do more harm than good. In my relationship we have separate bank accounts. It helps with the bill paying and keeps over spending under control It also helped to stop the arguments we were having about money. For some, this is a danger zone, but in our relationship it works. The rule here is to make your own rules. What you both agree on is what should take place. And last, but not least, relax. Good things take time and you cannot be expected to combine a family from totally different backgrounds and have it work perfectly right out of the shoot. It takes years of learning, listening and loving to create shared meaning and understanding. Just relax and know that this is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the ride as you learn, and decide together, who is better at doing what in your home. It may mean dumping some of the old gender expectations of your upbringing and of past eras but nowadays that’s not only acceptable, but celebrated! The most important thing is to love one another through the mistakes and the learning and to keep your mind open to new possibilities within the relationship. Remember, the difference between successful and unsuccessful couples is how you handle your differences.